Why I won't have a crush again

I've given up on crushes really. I mean the last one I had was really into me stalking him and seemed to be hurt when I didn't follow through on his idea that I would actually stalk him. Why would I do that to begin with. After getting to know him a little I realized that his heart was so cold that you didn't stir his martini's you just hand him the glass and the cold would creep up the stem. Yep that was my last crush and oddly enough now that I've sworn off of them, I find myself with my own stalker who claims it's only a crush. I suppose I will have to aquired one of those rain forest frogs and fashion a poision dart.